Texting should be more of a segway to a meet.
There are some things about texting that require you to understand a few things such as what excites a woman, how to create value, and standing in your masculine power, frame and energy.
These are all things that can help later on in life; no matter what type of relationship you end up getting into.
What you first need to understand is to forget about all of those little manipulation tactics you learned in online forums. Sure, they work but they are not sustainable. All the little tricks PUA courses teach such as peacocking and the like, are not sustainable over the LONG term.All you need to do is provide value, a little mystery, and not text back right away.
I must first say, there’s no real need to build your dating strategy around this kind of stuff. Real successful men don’t spend time memorizing lines. They build businesses, work on themselves, and create financial freedom that women ACTUALLY find attractive.
As I have said before here, “After-all, if you were a business man making multi million dollar deals, would you care if some chick decided not to show up for dinner last night.”
HOW TO TEXT:
- space out the timing of your messages
- vary the times between responses, to keep things varied and keep her on her toes.
- you don’t need to rush a reply back. Keep her engaged by making yourself a little bit scarce. since this creates some desire
- you should genuinely be busy working on your mission, and improving your life situation.
- stay on mission.The effect of being on a mission is two-fold. You’re actually building a life worth living, and being a part of
Furthermore, don’t spill your guts to her. Texting is just a means to an end; you shouldn’t be spilling your guts to her which removes any mystery. Desire is one of the main elements in any romantic or sexual relationship and if you remove the mystery, you are essentially removing the desire. Don’t pedestalize women.The first thing to remember is, desire can never be negotiated. If you try and negotiate desire then said female will feint compliance. The best relationships are natural where there is natural desire and attraction. You should also keep your emotional investment light since you can’t control a relationship, you can only have control over yourself. Thus, work on things you can control such as your knowledge, your business, your fitness and health and your success. At any moment and at any stage of a relationship, a women can and will exit and ghost you. So keep your investment light and aim for success in life to attract high value women.
The end goal of texting is to ultimately meet up. So please don’t go on chatting endlessly to women. It removes the mystery and desire and there will be nothing else to talk about.
Don’t slouch on this aspect of your dating repertoire.
DON’T TEXT HIM/HER AFTER THE BREAK-UP!
I’ve asked myself this question in the past before, after a few failed relationships. After learning, and changing my mindset towards how I approach dating and relationships. I find that there are several competing view points to whether or not it is okay to text an ex-partner after a break-up.
So, should you text your ex-partner after a break-up?
HERE ARE THE VIEWPOINTS:
- No, because you may be struggling to “let go”, and part of you is hoping to salvage the relationship. In this sense, you’re just making things worse for yourself.
- No, because you won’t learn anything new- the other person is not likely to be able to tell you anything meaningful that will help you process the breakup and achieve “closure.” Furthermore, attempting to understand what led to the break up. In this case, if you’re attempting to get closure, I would not seek it from the person who initiated the break up. For one, he or she may not have a clear understanding regarding what led to the break up, and/or they may be unable to adequately articulate why it occurred.
- No, because you will be giving up “power.” You have to be in control of your own thoughts, your own emotions, your own feelings instead of leaving it up to others. Move on quickly – not in the sense of finding a new partner but by not having prolonged feelings towards the relationship. Once you text the person that you have broken off with then you are giving them power over you and the relationship that was.
- Yes, If you feel like it, yes, why not? But I suggest you write that text for closure and see if you are capable of not sending it, because the text is for you, to help you process things, and there’s no need to expose yourself to someone that chose to leave. However, if you still want to send it, do it, but be sure to not feel hurt if the other person says something rude or doesn’t reply at all.
- Yes, if you still think you have something or everything to offer him/her and you feel you are wasting your time with feeling tortured and can’t end this situation then you should send a long or short note to him/her. Don’t say anything desperate but free yourself from the situation and offer a better solution.
WHY DO YOU NEED CLOSURE?
I think Closure is primarily about three things.
#1, Letting go of expectations that you’ve built up. Often people imagine that the relationship should go on forever, progress towards marriage, etc. So, they feel disappointment, frustration, even anger and resentment when it doesn’t.
I feel it is important to evaluate the story that you’ve told yourself, before you ask someone else to explain it to you. What you wanted, and what you expected, are part of your own story. They have/had a different story. The better you understand your own story, the better you understand how to make it a reality by closing this chapter of your life and having that expectation and story with some-one else.
Furthermore, I have done this in the past (send the message) and it doesn’t create closure at all. It churns up things and frankly I felt so stupid after doing it. Closure comes when I heal. That’s my job, no one else can do that with me or for me. Closure is about shutting the door on experiences and truly saying “I am done with this pattern in my life.” Contacting someone I have broken up with says “I am ok with how you treated me” no matter what my intention is. The person on the receiving end often sees it as an effort to reconcile.
#2, Emotional Processing. We’re all human beings, and relationships are very important to us. In a breakup, we feel a lot of things, because our minds are designed that way. We’re wired to rely on relationships as a means of survival, which is why a child screams when mom leaves it at daycare. We might be adults, but all of those relationship-emotions are as strong as ever.
Give yourself time to work through all of these emotions. Spend time learning something new, go hang out with friends, go to the gym or even volunteer. Create and do art- all of these will help you process emotions. Most likely, hanging out with the person you felt most-attached to will slow your “healing” there.
#3, Learning. The more you understand about why this relationship did not go the way you wanted, the more likely you can choose a better partner, and be a better partner, in your next relationship.
This is where talking to your ex can be helpful- but ONLY after you’ve both dealt with letting go of the expectations that were built up in the relationship and all of the emotions from the relationship have been processed and there is an understanding. Thus, both ex-partners have been healed – this learning cannot happen if your emotions are drowning you.
WHAT’S HAPPENED WITH MY RELATIONSHIP?
Relationships don’t “fail”, they change because we change. We age and change physically as well as our opinions and personalities change – this is all because of our absorption of our lived experiences. But, most people miss that.
In my 20s, most of my relationships that “failed” because I was naïve and unaware. I would send the texts and do the calls and I would just completely hand over power and not get any shred of respect in return.
Over-time, I learnt how to act and handle my feelings appropriately. I knew who to try a relationship with and which type(s) of women to run away from because any sense of a relationship would 100% not work over the long term.
Through these experiences I learned to manage my expectations better, and also to communicate better. I could see more easily when we weren’t connecting as well, or when romance was starting to weaken.
Over-all, I say it does require a good deal of emotional maturity for both people in a relationship, to be able to navigate these relationship changes- but it’s wonderful if you can do it.
See your relationship as changing into something that’s better for both of you. That’s your goal- even if it’s towards friendship rather than marriage.
IS TEXTING THE BEST WAY?
No. Texting is the worst possible way to communicate things that are important to you emotionally.
Yes, it seems easy, and feels safer, but you cannot communicate your feelings to each other in any real way. The reason is simple – most of our communication is body language, movement, facial expressions, tone of voice, speed of voice, vocal cadence, volume of voice, eye contact, even pheromones and how tense or relaxed you are. These are all essential when you’re talking about emotional topics.
If you were an emotionless robot, in a relationship with another emotionless robot, then texting would work great. But you’re not, so the best way to go about things is to meet in person and talk, the 2nd best thing would be to talk on the phone because we can still pick up a lot of social cues through speech alone.
You can see this in other mammals too. When you see two cats communicate, most of it is sniffing, the position(s) of their tail, tail wagging, licking and if their hairs are on-end. Even when they’re fearful, you see tremendous tension, hair-on-end, lots of teeth, and lots of noise.
In emotional communication, words are a part of it but body language really does go a long way.