A lot people are already familiar with the concept of an alpha male yet many are unfamiliar with the alpha female counterpart. They see the alpha male as a strong, socially dominant man, that exudes energy, is in control of his emotions, is stoic and assertive and generally has his pick of the women around him.
The alpha female, is a more recent phenomenon that emerged out of the 1960s feminist movement that is continuing to break down economic and social barriers for women today. The concept of alpha and beta was originally established by the scientific community to categorize observed animals in their habitat based on dominance. These terms have now been pervasive in modern day society and creates a useful framework to understand different types of men and women.
An alpha female is a successful, driven woman, strong and smart woman that is not afraid to compromise with a strong man and is willing let her man shine when needed as well as take a step back and be in the background or foreground where appropriate. Alpha females also tend to be more competitive, outgoing, and ambitious compared to her beta female counterparts.
WHAT SHE OFFERS:
She offers success but that will not emasculate you:
Just because a woman is ambitious and successful in her work roles does not mean that she “wears the pants” in the relationship. This misconception is still pervasive in today’s modern-day society. But what I will advise is that any relationship with any woman, as a man you must make at least the same as her or more to maintain a healthy dynamic. I won’t be politically correct and lie to you and say it is okay to make less than her because it is not, she will leave you in time as that aspect becomes more and more profound in her and/or her friends and/or family’s head. Once again, you need to make at last the same as her for your relationship to last.
Furthermore, ambitious people tend to pair with each other and there is room for more than one driven personality within any relationship as long as respect is given and boundaries are respected.
The gender stereotypes will continue to exist since longstanding cultural attitudes die hard, and often even well-meaning and open-minded men can’t help but feel a little bit emasculated by the success of their female partners. Hopefully as society progresses then this kind of behaviour becomes more and more frowned upon.
Let’s be real again guys, if we are encountering problems at work and in life – in that moment we can feel a sense of jealousy, shame or emasculation because of your alpha female partner’s success and triumphs. These feelings can even burgeon out of control but it is important to take a step back, relax and reflect on the situation. Meditate, take a walk or run or cycle and get those emotions under control and be stoic.
Would you really prefer your partner wasn’t successful, outgoing and ambitious? Probably not, right? And, deep down, aren’t you proud of your partner’s successes, and happy for her? Of course you are. While feelings of insecurity are perfectly normal, try to bring things back into perspective as often as possible.
Treat her with the same respect that you want:
I will say that there is still a disconnect between how an ambitious, successful woman is treated compared to an ambitious successful man. There are still gender roles and stereotypes that are very pervasive. Alpha females are labelled “aggressive” for expressing their opinions and desires, whereas men behaving the exact same way are more likely to be considered “assertive” or “confident”. There is still a distressing double standard for women, so if you’re dating an alpha female, make sure you aren’t letting her ambitiousness and assertiveness negatively impact how you view her, intentionally or otherwise. You want a strong woman right? So, she will come with a strong personality as well.
Part of this means discussing the unique issues she faces as an alpha female in good faith and without judgement. Gender roles will always be around but in a more flexible aspect if they die off first. The strict “women should stay at home” vibe doesn’t translate well in modern society. Plus, the age of single income households are gone – this is the age where both partners need to work (double income household).
Be sure you can commit to her sexual needs:
Double standards between men and women have become less and less socially acceptable. Great numbers of women are adopting freer attitudes towards sex and sexuality and as a result, women are more open and relaxed about casual dating and sex and when compared to women from previous generations (or more traditional women today).
If your alpha female partner wants an “adventurous” sex life then make sure that you discuss this with her respectfully and you are aware of all her sexual wants and needs. This is extremely important because if your female partner likes to have threesome and gang-bangs and you are against this then telling her that she can’t have them if she is in a relationship with you won’t work. The point I am making here is this – if you don’t like what she likes sexually then don’t be in that relationship. If you can’t fulfill her needs she WILL look elsewhere so you must be 100% sexually compatible with your partner or you will be cheated on. Therefore, if you don’t like what she likes in the bedroom then find another woman.
Because the behaviour will continue or the fantasy will be made a reality, just not with you and without you knowing. Avoid the slut shaming, don’t laugh and listen to her kinks and desires if she’s opened up and shared them with you. This is the important part, you need to be able to fulfill ALL her sexual desires – if you can’t then you need to walk away from any start of a relationship. Not being able to fulfill her desires will make her want to cheat, and any woman will cheat if the right situation presents itself.
In short, be open-minded, respectful and conciliatory; just like she should be when it comes to your desires. Consider her needs and your needs in tandem and if the relationship can work, not only financially but in the bedroom as well then it can blossom into a great lifetime relationship.
Consider her commitments and stress:
Alphas females will have a lot on their plate. This includes a busy and demanding job, extracurricular activities, a thriving social life and family commitments. This means that she won’t be able to dedicate every minute of every day to you, just as you can’t for her.
You have to be extra organized and vigilant in order to match free time with a very busy partner and dating an alpha female is no exception. Allowing some sync with your busy schedules can allow for some time together. Factor in occasional bouts of stress from work, and the two of you will need open communication to ensure that you’re spending enough time together, without both becoming over-burdened by commitments.
Realize the Benefits:
Dating an Alpha female is not a chore but a benefit and privilege! We’re speaking about regular, human women who happen to have levels of ambition we traditionally (and wrongly) associated only with men.
There are plenty of benefits to dating an alpha female. To start with, you’ll receive all the usual relationship trappings like company, conversation and physical intimacy and hopefully receive additional levels of inspiration and motivation from an alpha female partner just as a good friend would motivate you. Your partner can adopt the role of mentor or teacher when you need to improve in areas she excels at (and vice-versa). Furthermore, the two of you can share your network connections and skill sets.
Finally, you may enjoy freedom and independence from your alpha female partner. Driven, successful women are unlikely to be clingy and needy, and hopefully won’t try and micro-manage you as well. These women will be self sufficient and you should never feel as though you are being “used” for your income.
Over-all, dating an alpha female does bring with it certain specific challenges, but these are easily addressed using the above tips since the positives easily outweigh the challenges.
WHAT SHE EXPECTS OF YOU:
You make her laugh
As Marilyn Monroe once said, “If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.”
If you can’t maker her laugh, then she’ll soon grow tired of you. Laughter is one of the most important qualities in a partner. Your shared love of sarcasm and her sharp wit complement each other perfectly.
You are someone that can tease and be teased
You are never be malicious or say things that hurt her feelings and can give a joke as well as you can take one – even the dirty, filthy and nasty ones.
You have and maintain respect – you will know each other well enough to know when you’ve crossed the line and there is enough rapport to apologize if this ever happens without looking weak. Your shared love of sarcasm and your knowledge of each other’s fragility make teasing fun but never threatening.
She is moving at the same speed you are
Whether in her current career or her lofty life goals, she always seems to be moving at the same speed you are. She knows what she wants and respects what you want. She’s never pushy or demoralizing — just steadily moving from one goal to the next with a very bright future in sight.
You don’t put her on a pedestal or belittle her
You are slow and steady, but never a doormat. You don’t idolize her but you also don’t make her feel small. You treat her like the fierce woman she is. You also like to spoil her, but would never give her everything she wants.
You always keep her guessing. You are her partner and not her provider. You are there because you want her, not because you need her.
You don’t get jealous but you are aware
You are confident enough to know that the mild flirtations she has at a cocktail party and her unyielding friendship with her work husband are a threat to your relationship. Don’t believe what other people tell you – I have heard and seen too many marriages break up because the relationship lines are crossed due to temptation.
No longer are other men respecting your relationship with your partner. They know a woman is married, has a fiancé or is taken and will still try and engage in relations with her and even make it a game with other male co-workers.
Do yourself a favour and tell your partner that it is not okay to have a work husband and it is not okay to flirt at work. Yes, your relationship is built on a foundation of trust but lust and temptation are strong. If she has respect for you then she will be understanding and respect your position as well as your decision.
You have her respect the relationship and not the club
You have your own plans in life and respects that she has hers. But she will respect the relationship and not hit the club with her girls. It is not the fact that she is going out with her friends but that the club is filled with temptation. Don’t be a SIMP and give your partner an opportunity to cheat on you because some might take it. Soon your relationship can move from going out with the girls every once in a while to going out with the girls every weekend to going out with her girls almost everyday – just don’t let that happen.
Don’t put yourself in such a bad position and don’t let her put you in that situation either. Set boundaries that both of you agree on and enforce those boundaries if they are tested.
Challenge her but don’t air out her dirty laundry
You are as strong as she is but more subdued. You will push her to be the best she can be and keep her challenging herself. She will love you for this. Life with you is always exciting and never eases to surprise her.
You have her full trust, and you can tell each other anything. You’re not afraid of your embarrassing stories are going to come back to you when you meet her family or when you meet her friends for drinks and vice versa
What’s said between the two of you stays between the two of you except for her BFF. Remember men, her best friend will know everything – from what you got going on in the bedroom to your latest promotion at work. Just make sure she is respectful enough not embarrass you too much.
You know how to deal with her bad moods
You are a source of comfort for her. You let her feel at ease. When she’s angry you know how to deal with her with ease and grace – whether that is to be empathetic or placate her.
Depending on how she is feeling, angsty and emotional or overwhelmed and exhausted, you let her have her space and you know when to hold her in yours arms.
You are someone who teaches, but never lectures
The best partnerships are the ones in which both people can learn from each other. You are a well of knowledge and loves to provide her with new information and insights on things she’s passionate about.
She learns from you in many ways, but she never feels like you are pushing her or judging her. You both teach other lessons that make you better people and better citizens of the world.
When you apologize, you really mean it
When you do something wrong then you will always be man enough to admit it and apologize. You won’t do something stupid and turn the tables on her, and you won’t hurt her feelings and make her feel stupid for being upset.
You are a man, not a boy — and a man always knows when he needs to apologize.
You’ll call her out when she needs to be called out
You’ll never fail to tell her how it is. You are not scared to hurt her feelings and you don’t tiptoe around her.
You don’t let her get away with nonsense, not because you don’t care about her but because you don’t want to be jerked around. You’re a stoic man: strong, independent and sure of yourself. You prefer to let her lead, but you’ll always be there to fully support her. You have no problem being in the background; you’re there to be her strongest supporter and her steadfast foundation. You’ll love that she’s more popular because she’s a person you are very proud of.
You have sound thinking and not irrationality
You’ll let her be a social butterfly when needed but know when to protect her. You are able to pour her another drink and be able to take that same drink away when she has had too much. You always take care of her with sound thinking.
You read a lot and stay informed of current events and world issues. This makes you well rounded with your opinions with factual basis. You are educated and sound in your understanding of the world around you and that is very important to her.
You know when to drop it and when to address it
You’ll stand your ground when you know you are right. Though you’ll argue with her, she’s willing to concede if it means ending a fight. She’s strong-willed, and she knows when a difference in opinion or a questionable action is worth discussing or whether it’s better left alone.
You listen, have big dreams and expect to be heard.
You know when to talk and you know when to be quiet and just listen. You can quietly and patiently listen to everything she has to say and you expect her to be able to do the same for you.
You are as career-focused as she is. You both genuinely care about each other’s endeavors. You won’t sit back and watch her solely achieve her dreams because you have dreams and passions and goals of your own.