If you want to discern a low value dating prospect from a high value dating prospect and/or if you are looking for long term partner then this question must be asked of her and yourself.
Most people will try the conventional boring first date questions such as “What do you do for work?” “What is your favorite color?” “What do you like to do for fun?”
Boring answers are “safe” but you are wasting your time. You need to be vulnerable.
Being vulnerable means you are showing strength by being open to ideas thoughts and feelings. You are showing strength to be able to to accept and relate to someone and accept them for who they are.
HERE IS THE QUESTION: “If you could be guaranteed success at anything, after just one year of work. What would it be?“
With this question you are able to have a long conversation that can span for hours, days or even weeks. Those that are high value will put forth well thought of and well organized concepts of what they want to accomplish and what they want to do. (If they haven’t accomplished there already).
A low value person will either have a plain answer, saying anything along the lines of “I never thought about it” or just not say anything at all.
FOLLOW UP QUESTION: What are you doing now to reach that goal?
Be prepared to have your own answers to the question.
If she has no real substance to her answer(s) then she is low value. With the exception of shyness.
- You can either chock it up as being shy and give it another chance or move on.
As I have said before, your vulnerability in this situation is your strength. If she starts to treat you like a beta male then just quit the date right then and there and move on. I say this because more and more I am getting men talking about how the dating scene has evolved. Many woman are on the hunt for beta males. They go on dates, not to date long term and match with a good guy but to get guys for specific roles such as a beta bux, an emotional pillow, a free chauffeur and so on.
If she tries to peg you as any of these then she is being weak, not you. She is showing how weak she is by trying to box you into a beta male role.
Only a week woman would automatically try and get things from guys right away. She is low value, move on.
HERE IS THE BRUTAL TRUTH ABOUT ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS:
Everybody’s the same
There’s very little to go on to distinguish one person from another. People talk about the same very limited group of things, they all express similar hobbies with slight variations, they all want to be unique but are much less so than they think, they all try for the same types of pictures (or just don’t put in any effort).
After almost 300 matches on Tinder, I start to get very bored very quickly with new ones. Oh cool, you like travel. Wow, you like music and watching movies. How interesting, you have an artistic side hobby you don’t really have time for. No way, you you like sweet foods? OMG, you ALSO like that TV show that’s insanely popular right now? Impossible, you too want to have your own side business someday? You also are addicted to your phone and wish you had more time to read? Congratulations, you’re just like everyone else.
What makes people really different and special isn’t very well expressed through online messaging (although a part of it can be expressed through really deep online conversations, let’s be realistic—most people chatting online never get to that point). And don’t get me wrong—I do think people can be different and special. It’s conveying it that’s the problem.
Pictures aren’t reliable
This one’s pretty simple: Only a fraction of people actually look as attractive as their profile photos make them seem (at least, on the female side), due not only to photographic techniques but also to the plethora of digital editing tools now available. You won’t really know how someone looks or conveys themselves until you meet them. I’ve been pleasantly surprised, but this is a minority of cases.
Adding to this, almost everyone now knows the rules: Take a picture of yourself with a smile, without a smile, with an animal, doing a hobby, etc. etc. Showcase what you think your features are—which are the same as everyone elses’. Boring.
The competition is ridiculous
If you’re male, you have to face the fact that you’re always going to be just one of scores or hundreds of other guys sending a message to that girl this week. And every one of them is trying to say something interesting. So it doesn’t really matter how much effort you’re putting in—you’re probably not going to stand out. Even if you do take the time to craft an amazing message, it’ll probably be ignored even if the person matched with you. And who has the time to make dozens or hundreds of special individualized messages? Here’s what I’ve found: After spending tons of time on those individual messages, I found that spamming a bunch of girls with the message “Pancakes or waffles?” works far, far better (with response rates of 40–70%). And that’s depressing.
Adding to this, you’re competing not just with those who are most eligible—you’re also competing with every guy who is too afraid to approach a woman but who can use the Internet. How will you ever stand out, compared to doing something like approaching someone in real life?
The paradox of choice
The two factors above make this a lot worse. But when you have thousands of potential swipes in your future, or hundreds more OkCupid, Tinder, Hinge and POF users to ask out, why commit to any particular individual you’ve gone on a date with? You’ll see another, more attractive match in a few minutes. Why commit? A part of you will always want to explore more options when you feel that they’re available.
What to do instead?
Well, I’ll tell you what I’m doing. Learning to approach girls in public or at coffee shops, joining speed dating events, becoming a member of activity clubs, etc. I am officially bored with online dating.