Most people don’t put much thought into various angles whenever they interact with people online. Especially when they are interacting with someone and not paying much attention to that person’s name.
I have seen guys go on dates with women that at first glance, I would avoid like the plague due to the number of red flags being displayed.
Names give you insight on a mindset.
One example of screwing your life up fast is dating girls with names such as “crazygurl123” or “psychobytch96”. And you really think it will all work out? There is power and knowledge in a name, if she uses words such as crazy, psycho or anything like that in her name then she is telling you she is bat shit crazy – get away NOW!
This also goes the same for women. I remember meeting this chick online and she got herself in a really bad situation, partly her fault and partly the guy’s fault. She ended up being pregnant and giving birth to a child from a guy that just got out of jail less than a year before for murder and one of the first things he did was make a dating profile. Now, this guy has been in prison like a revolving door multiple times for violent crimes and even had the handle on dating sites, “blickie187” – that just tells me everything I need to know.
You wouldn’t be in your MBA internship and e-mail an executive of a company through your e-mail “10inchschlongmaster69” right? Exactly, there is a reason you are not doing it, it is unprofessional.
You wouldn’t name yourself “Coffeeeelovr” if you didn’t like coffee, so why would you talk to a girl with the words, crazy and psycho in them? Or talk to a guy that has words and numbers such as blickie, shank, 187, etc etc etc. That just don’t make any sense to me.
Well, that is if you want something serious, safe, drama free and long-term.
Once you are in a box.
Once a woman puts you into a box, it is hard to get out of it because a woman’s perception is her reality. Being in the box means that she has labelled you an alpha, a beta, a gamma, a beta-bux, an orbiter and even an emotional pillow. Women can look at any man and put a label on that man in seconds. Once she as done this it can be rather hard to change her reality of you. In fact, it will be an uphill battle to change a woman’s mind. You may have to change your dress, your body language, your eloquence and your behaviour. To me, it is easier to learn from your mistakes and just move on to a woman that is more receptive to talk to you.
You must also remember, mystery is intriguing – don’t give everything about yourself away. I have seen men talk to women for hours each day online and over the phone and at the end of it all, it was for NOTHING. Just a complete time, resources and energy drain. Maybe she got bored, maybe they were just an emotional pillow or maybe she got back with her ex, who knows? What is important to understand is to date and seek a relationship only when you are ready and when time permits – your primary goal is your purpose and relationships should only accent your life and not be the main goal.
Furthermore, time fosters desire. Take actionable steps when it comes to dating. Don’t be over-whelming and always available, she will either see you as someone to be used and/or low value because you have nothing better to do.
Beliefs to choices to results.
One thing people fail to understand is why they are where they are in life. I see people make choices that are painfully obvious not to end well. Yet, in modern day society, many people always want to blame everything but themselves. The first step out of the sink hole is to admit and take responsibility for your actions.
In fact, I run several businesses and if my employees screw up, the blame will rightfully fall on me as the team leader and I expect that, take it like a man, move on and get better. Even though I was not the one directly responsible for the mistake, I get blamed for the end result and I accept that.
You as a person will get bad results due to your choices and you make bad choices because of your beliefs. Thus, your success or failure will depend on what you believe in. If you believe you can only work one hour a day because some YouTube guru told you so then your reality is skewed and you will practically be likely not to succeed because you have made choices based on your belief system. Those choices in turn end in bad results.
So, if you have shitty results it’s because of your choices and those shitty choices are the consequence of your shitty beliefs.
The ability to carry conversation, tease, have fun, and be charismatic can’t be shown well while online. You can’t show charisma through a dating app, through WhatsApp or KiK or Skype or Instagram or TikTok. This is because you can’t express emotions and body language effectively over these apps.
In my 20s, most of my relationships “failed” because I was naïve and unaware. I would send the texts and do the calls and I would just completely hand over power and not get any shred of respect in return. Over-time, I learnt how to act and handle my feelings appropriately. I knew who to try a relationship with and which type(s) of women to run away from because any sense of a relationship would 100% not work over the long term. Through these experiences I learned to manage my expectations better, and also to communicate better. I could see more easily when we weren’t connecting as well, or when romance was starting to weaken.
Over-all, I say it does require a good deal of emotional maturity for both people in a relationship, to be able to navigate these relationship changes- but it’s wonderful if you can do it. See your relationship as changing into something that’s better for both of you. That’s your goal- even if it’s towards friendship rather than marriage.
A lot of guys already have a negative bias when it comes to a lot of women. They feel as if the interaction will always go bad and going into a situation like that will never work out for you. A woman can sense this negative bias a mile away and it won’t bode well with any and every interaction with her.
Change your mindset because your mental and spiritual being is just as important to physical attractiveness as your physical self. People can sense when you don’t feel attractive, irregardless of how attractive you really are. A healthy mind and mentality will reap results, half of what you do is all about your mindset so change your it to a positive one. This is one of the easiest and sometimes fastest ways to have an instant and positive increase of your SMV.
Social consequences first.
The dating strategy for men and women are different. If you date a woman and it is through her social circle then she is very aware that what she does or will do with you might be reported back to her social circle, so she will adopt a more conservative behaviour than she normally would portray. Thus, the social consequences of her actions matters more to her than any (sexual) interaction with you.
For example, if you are introduced to someone through a social circle, big or small then that social circle will influence the interaction(s) between you and said woman in a negative and positive way. It influences the interaction in a positive way because she will be on her best behaviour with you; she can’t just be extremely rude to you because there will be social consequences. It is also a negative because she will be, once again conservative and not do things she normally would because it might get back to her social circle, especially if she is very sexually open and she doesn’t want everyone in a large social circle to know. But, if her social circle is small then typically everyone in that social already knows about each other’s modus operandi and thus it is easier for her to act her normal self.
Interact only to transition into real life.
Texting is the worst possible way to communicate things that are important to you emotionally.
Yes, it seems easy, and feels safer, but you cannot communicate your feelings to each other in any real way. The reason is simple – most of our communication is body language, movement, facial expressions, tone of voice, speed of voice, vocal cadence, volume of voice, eye contact, even pheromones and how tense or relaxed you are. These are all essential when you’re talking about emotional topics.
If you were an emotionless robot, in a relationship with another emotionless robot, then texting would work great. But you’re not, so the best way to go about things is to meet in person and talk, the 2nd best thing would be to talk on the phone because we can still pick up a lot of social cues through speech alone.
You can see this in other mammals too. When you see two cats communicate, most of it is sniffing, the position(s) of their tail, tail wagging, licking and if their hairs are on-end. Even when they’re fearful, you see tremendous tension, hair-on-end, lots of teeth, and lots of noise.
In emotional communication, words are a part of it but body language really does go a long way.
Pay attention to the little things when you date online, especially the handles/monikers people go by – they can tell you a lot about them.
Online dating can be both easy yet inherently complex all at the same time. It is up to you to use your social intelligence to navigate the online dating landscape intelligently while being all aware of social circles and their consequences, negative bias, social calibration as well as all the signs of a good match.