You can make women feel scared and cornered by walking behind women and following them for minutes or over an hour. Guys actually do this. That will make you weird.
If you approach or try to approach a woman then try to not do it from behind. If you do approach from behind, call out to them in a friendly manner so they are aware you are behind them. Also, don’t grab their clothes, arms, bags etc if you are trying to stop them. That is scary and that will make you weird.
If a woman is running in public (not dressed in jogging fits) and she is attractive, try not to cold approach her, she is probably panicked and late for something important, such as work, an exam, a job interview etc etc etc. The worse thing to do is stop her because YOU want to talk and hit on her. Respect her time – she has something to do. You will very likely get rejected right then and there when compared to approaching at a more appropriate time. Being this rude and demanding will make you weird.
Watch for choosing signals, maybe flirt with her and see if there are any signs of interest. Ask if you can walk with her, if she says yes then great. If she says no then respect that decision and move on. If you don’t then that will make you weird.
This one can be hard, but you may trigger a female when you cold approach her. For example, talking about wrestling – nothing wrong with that because you were an All-American Pro College wrestler. But to her, everything is wrong with that because her brother used to get his ass kicked by the wrestling team on a daily basis and as such, she can’t stand wrestlers! You screwed up but it isn’t your fault that you mentioned wrestling – how should you have known about her past experiences? She doesn’t want to talk to you because of the trigger. Move on, if you don’t then that will make you weird.
Stop forcing her to give you her number. If she is comfortable then she will give it to you. Maybe try asking for her Instagram, Snapchat, WhatsApp or Kik. Some women get fully turned off by pushy guys. She may give you her social media but that does not necessarily mean there is interest, she may have just wanted you off her back and will not engage in any conversation with you later. Being forceful will make you weird.
THE UPHILL BATTLE:
When I talked about women being triggered by something you say, at no fault of your own – some guys might laugh it off as bullshit. But it happens, you may talk to any woman and she can get triggered by anything. What needs to be understood is that it is NOT your fault. You wouldn’t know that her little brother was bullied by wrestlers.
Another example would be being triggered by a certain type of guy, we could even say a musician. The reason she gets triggered by musical artists would be because her ex-boyfriend would make her life a nightmare and he did this for years of her life. When she got away from that relationship, she promised herself to never be in a relationship like that again. Once again, how would you know this just by cold approaching a girl? It is just how life is, not everyone will like you.
Furthermore, do not interrupt any woman for a cold approach unless it is appropriate. What I mean by this is just as my previous example of stopping a woman that is in public and in haste. It is in poor taste to stop her and try to chat her up with she is obviously in a hurry. You may chat if she is jogging but currently taking a breather or if she is on a break from reading the book in her hand.You can still maybe try to get over her objections since some women like that. Remember, a shit test is done because there is some sort of attraction there.This approach needs at least some decent modicum of social intelligence to figure out the difference between an outright no and a shit test as well as how to over-come objections that are not firm. Learn to over-come the shit test here.
Over-all I would say for most men, after 2 or 3 objections then it can be very clear who-ever you are interested in and just cold approached is not interested in you. So save your mental energy and move on to other things in your life. Dating should be considered an option in your life and only when you are ready. Your primary option is creating a good life for you and your family and then maybe dating as a second or third priority. But it should never be the first, that is what brings men to ruin.
KNOW THE CHOOSING SIGNS:
A woman’s choosing signals can be subtle or very upfront. It is up to you to know what they are based on experience gained as well as good social skills.Yes, it does take courage and a confident mindset to approach women in this day and age but it can be done and can be done effectively; whether you are doing this as a cold approach or as choosing signals.
I typically find that a woman will increase the choosing signal she gives to you either by increasing it or changing its nature. Such as, staring at you more or coming up to talk about something if you didn’t get that her staring at you was a choosing signal. Or she might just ask you out to talk or just be blunt and want a date. But, don’t get things confused with a nice woman that likes to engage with people for a female that wants hook up or date you. This is where your experience and social cues/social skills come in. Especially in this day and age.
THE ALPHA MALE:
This is where you learn the difference between a Chadwick or Bradley telling a woman ‘she is sexy’ compared to a Dave telling the same women the same thing. The typical outcome of this situation tends to be Dave getting called into HR as soon as lunch time hits while Chadwick or Bradley gets a date for later that evening.
It’s all about your sexual marketplace value (SMV) – your looks, attitude, body language, health and wealth – it all factors into how well your approaches start and end.
If you have a high SMV then you will dominate the marketplace – in contrast to a low SMV.
Even with a high SMV, it is important to know how to have a conversation with a woman, and you can learn how to do that here.
Furthermore, having a great attitude towards any interaction will pull people in, men and women alike – just like a gravitational pull. Learn how to change your attitude to increase your attractiveness here. Remember that being Alpha is an amalgamation of things. You need to exude a good attitude, health, looks, and dress. It is like an energy or heat – and people can sense it.
Being Alpha is mostly mindset – many men would say ‘just get rich’ which is not wrong per say but it is more than that. It is about your mindset which in turn influences your attitude. If you have a mindset to work hard, eat right, go to the gym, dress well, be smart and avoid the common pitfalls of many men then you already half way there. All you have to do is stay on track with this winning mentally to succeed.
OVER-COMING APPROACH ANXIETY:
NOTICE THAT YOU ARE FEAR-FULL:
If you want to overcome approach anxiety then you must first identify that you are fearful in the moment and then over-come it then or in time. Realize that all your rationalizations is just fear speaking to you, such as, “She seems busy” or “I don’t want to disturb her especially when she is with her friends” etc etc etc. You need to be honest with yourself and accept that your justifications are just fear.
In order to overcome approach anxiety, you first have to notice your fear. Once you become aware of it and its hold on you then we can talk about how to release that grasp.
The first step is to recognise this presence of fear in order to over-come it. Acknowledge its presence – become aware when fear has its grip on you. Fear is often hard to catch in the moment since we typically feel an overwhelming urge to get away from what causes our fear i.e. our “fight or flight” system.
UNDERSTAND YOUR FEAR:
After we acknowledge our fear, our initial reaction may be to deny it because we are “manly” or to just fight it. Fear can be crippling and most of us don’t like the feeling since it doesn’t help us in most modern-day situations, especially when it comes to dating.
So why not fight it? Well, there are a lot of reasons why, but the biggest reason is, the more we fight our emotion – the more we try to avoid it, get rid of it, or suppress it – the stronger it becomes. Fighting your emotion only makes it stronger. Counterintuitive, but true nonetheless. You can’t outrun your own emotions. They will always catch up with you. Just like being stuck in quicksand, the more you struggle, the deeper you get sucked in.
So, what’s the solution? To end the struggle with our fear, we need to get in contact with what’s actually there and understand why we are feeling fear at this moment and identify what the triggering mechanism is. Of all the ways to overcome anxiety, it is definitely the scariest. Keep in mind, this is an exercise in feeling, not in thinking. Don’t describe what you feel, but actively feel what you feel – practice mindfulness. No words – just observing and feeling the fear in your body. Feel the fear and then try and understand what is causing this fear. What is the trigger for this fear? Once you feel and understand; then you can move on to accepting this fear.
ACCEPT YOUR FEAR:
This step can be very difficult – but after you acknowledge your approach anxiety and feel your fear then it is time to accept it. Open up your mind and body to accept this fear and handle it head on. Your fear tells you to not approach women on the street. So, approach women on the street! It will be extremely hard but just dive into the deep end. Wherever fear tells us not to go, is exactly where we want to go.
If we actively seek out fear, and make sense of it with our minds and bodies (mindfulness) then we may regain control over our emotions. Instead of being motivated by fear, we become driven by goals, and values, and what’s truly important for us. This doesn’t mean that you immediately have to face your biggest fear right away. But it does mean that you need to start leaning into fear. The more you’re willing to embrace fear, and actively lean into it, the more control you will get over your emotions, and the more empowered you will be in your life. The more you’re willing to feel uncomfortable in the service of what’s truly important to you, the more your quality of life will improve.
JUST DO THE APPROACH:
This is where you approach women in public or private. Yes, you could get rejected, laughed at, ridiculed or you could get a number or even an insta-date. YOU CHOOSE. Just dive right in and know you won’t be able to control the outcome but you can control the initial attempt of walking up to any woman and initiating conversation.
Maybe try the 3 second rule: If you see a girl, approach her within three seconds. This helps because your mind does not have the time to react negatively and induce fear. Furthermore, crashing and burning is not the end of the world. When you first start approaching you may mess up and have an awkward conversation but at least you tried. Don’t blame yourself or the situation. Sometimes it just turns out like that even to the most seasoned cold approacher. Remember, the woman you are approaching is part of the conversation too and she may or may not want to talk to you. She can easily and intentionally make the discussion awkward and kill the cold approach. It is never always your fault.
Remember to not over-analyze the situation – this is akin to understanding your approach anxiety. When you don’t over-analyze then you tend to act more natural and comfortable. For example, if you’re with friends and just chilling with them, are you really analyzing your every thought? Exactly, you are just having a good time and living in the moment.
Over-all, women are human beings too. Once you cold approach and get over all the shock then you notice that you can have pretty awesome and normal conversations with a lot of beautiful women. They might not all lead to dates or friendships but at least your social skills will be rapidly improving.
REFERENCES:
Bolmont, M., Cacioppo, J. T., & Cacioppo, S. (2014). Love is in the gaze: An eye-tracking study of love and desire. Psychological Science, 25, 1748-1756.
Eibl-Eibesfeldt, I. (1971). Love and hate. New York: Holt, Rinehart, & Winston.
Grammer, K., Honda, H., Juette, A., & Schmitt, A. (1999). Fuzziness of nonverbal courtship communication unblurred by motion energy detection. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77, 487–508.
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